Caught in a Fragile Bubble

It feels like I’m standing still, the whirlwind around me keeps circling and what I want to grab onto is elusive. My heart wants to go with my sons, with friends—frozen time, magical space. But the cerebral punch of the “shoulds” continues rotating.

I think the first week in January is uncomfortable and unsettling. It starts on January 1st with New Year’s Resolutions–time to get responsible again, make changes, clean it all up. But my life doesn’t sync with this timing to return to routine, until a week or two later when my sons go back to school. What we yearn for is to stay in our holiday bubble. Taking down the tree, the village, the outdoor decorations pokes a hole in that space.

When it’s time for us to go our separate ways, I’m still not ready for the “shoulds.” Letting go of what was, stymies me from moving on for a few days. Each time they leave I’m called to ratchet up another difficult level. The end to college years with homecomings is drawing near, and each split spins faster now. It’s my change to manage and own, trying not to intrude on their necessary and healthy individual paths. Thank God my loss is tempered by my excitement for pursuing my own way too.

 

 

Today is my New Year’s Day.  I’ve had a little time to process my sons’ leaving, and I’m ready now to look ahead. Enlivened and motivated by the chance to work creatively on this blog that I love, I can now think about putting dreams into plans. My 50’s have brought real-utions to my resolutions. I don’t need much active retrospection, thinking through lots of detailed things that I resolve to change. Mine are general, fundamental changes that naturally surface, because they’ve been hanging around for awhile and need to be given life. They are a few big dreams or ways of living that I’m eager to see if I can make happen. I want to move toward them and bring them into the fabric of my year. I don’t need to do them perfectly, or necessarily complete them in 2017.

In the unease of feeling stuck the past week I’ve been escaping by considering what dreams I have for this blog, and for my fashion world. New York Fashion Week is only a month away, and it resets and renews my dressing. For many of us it’s a reminder of purposeful style, and taking risks to explore what brings out our nature, our force. What gives relevance to who I am now? I’m striving to grow with the universe–in the best of ways, by my own light, not stuck in the mud of age.

 

 

What descriptors do I aspire to in my new year, that my wardrobe can help move forward? Strong, inviting, and cool is what springs to mind–intuitively like my New Year’s resolutions. What can I put on that meets or creates that mood inside? Which jacket, jogger, pendant? I want to be more deliberate in what I buy, and I aim to push it and stand in my space.

What are your three descriptors for your personal style in 2017? I would love it if you would share them in the Comments Section below–just three words. It’s a new year, let’s connect and explore new!

 

Strong, Inviting and Cool Street Style, Paris Spring 2016 Couture Shows.  Photos: Tyler Joe

 

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  • barrygirsh

    Caught in a Fragile Bubble published 1/8/17

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